When two children are fighting, how should I handle it?I have been using this method for the last 24 hours and can I just say, "WOW! What a difference!" Conscious Discipline is helping me SO much as I parent my twin toddler boys. It's helping me to manage myself and become more aware of myself as well, which is NEVER a bad thing. I am so grateful that this method found it's way into my life. If you "like" them on Facebook, you get regular updates with great tips like the one above.
1. First, breathe deeply and affirm, “I’m safe. Keep breathing. I can handle this,” so you can approach the children calmly.
A coach once shared a story about breaking up fight at school. He said, “I knew I really had the composure thing down pat when I noticed myself automatically breathing and saying, 'I’m safe, keep breathing, I’ve got this,' in my head as I sprinted across the court to get to Marcus and Jacob.”
2. Physically separate the children and assertively say, “Stop.” Breathe and focus on maintaining the inner state you want both children to return to. Encourage them to take a deep breath. Say, “Breathe with me,” and help them calm themselves.
3 Next, get down to their eye-level and say, “Both of you seem so angry. Something must have happened.” Let each child know you will listen to his story.
Ask the first child, “Something must have happened?” in a questioning tone. Offer support to the second child by positioning yourself next to him and putting your hand on his shoulder as you listen. The second child will often interrupt, “But he…” Reassure him by keeping your hand on his shoulder and saying, “It’s hard to wait your turn. You will get a turn when he’s finished.”
When the first child has finished, restate what he said to get clarification, offer empathy and reframe the situation with positive intent. “You were angry because he took your hat. You wanted it back and forgot to ask.”
Then reposition yourself next to the first child and ask the second child to share. Restate, clarify, offer empathy and reframe with positive intent. “You were upset about what he said on the bus and didn’t know other ways to let him know.”
Utilize our Conflict Resolution Time Machine Mat after both sides share. Use this tool to teach children how to assertively handle name calling, teasing, pushing, distraction and other interpersonal conflicts. The mat contains fun graphics and simple steps to guide you.
Here is an example:
Step 1: Ask, “Did you like it when he_____?”
Step 2: He responds “NO!”
Step 3: Set the limit on the hurtful act and include choices for the next time: “You may not grab someone’s hat. Grabbing is hurtful. The next time you want him to know you are upset with something he said, say, ' I didn’t like it when you said_____.' Next time please say or do _____. Or come ask me for help.”
Step 4: Say it now for practice.
As always, we wish you well!
#iheartcd #SEL #edchat
This morning kicked off bright and early with a hot, muggy run...
...at least there was good company. I can't wait for the cooler weather that I've been dreaming about all summer. Seriously, 90 degrees today is NOT COOL...
Feels like 96 degrees on October 22...no fun at all!! At least is looks like we might get some cooler weather this weekend...
...highs in the 80s instead of the 90s is definitely an improvement. :-)
The muggy weather made for a sweaty, but fun story time this morning. Our featured books were...
...fun, simple, kid-friendly books with animals and rhymes. What's not to love?? I hope you're ready for some Halloween books next week :-)
After story time, it was time to head to music class. This class involved flying ducks, the parachute, AND balls...a winner in the boys eyes and mine.
On our way home, we stopped at the library today to stock up on new books. The boys and I LOVE library day...not sure the librarians love us while we're there since we're still working on library etiquette, but we sure do love getting home with our new stash and snuggling on the couch to read all 10 books in one sitting. I need to start convincing them to choose shorter ones...haha!! I'm looking forward to the days when we can dig into a nice long chapter book. I'm sure it will be here before I know it.
We came home to a lovely Halloween surprise on our doorstep with this note...
...now we have to get some goodies and pay it forward. How fun!!
I've been avoiding my chores, especially cleaning the freezer, but it's time to bite the bullet and get it over with. Maybe if I hurry, I'll have some time to read before the boys wake up....fingers crossed!!
Thinking of tackling this workout from Best Body Fitness tomorrow ...
...wish me luck!